Just What I Needed....

The last few months around here have been a little rough. Tyson has been working out of town Monday through Friday for the past ten weeks. I'm SO excited that this week he will be done traveling and be home every night. But needless to say, it has been a huge adjustment for our family and our routines are a huge mess. Ryder has a very special relationship with his daddy and I think it's been really hard on him having him gone. If I can't get Ryder to bed or to eat his dinner or to stop crying his dad can in a second. This week has been the hardest. Ryder has been getting up multiple times a night just crying, nothing will soothe him and I think he just flat out wants his daddy.

A few nights ago, Ryder woke up in the middle of the night for the 3rd time screaming. I was so frustrated. It's really hard being home alone with a toddler 5 days a week let alone throwing being 8 months pregnant into the mix. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Ryder was just sitting up in his bed crying and it only got worse when I tried to pick him up. So I stormed out of his room, walked back to my room and just laid in my bed and cried. I remember saying to myself "I am so screwed when this baby comes. How am I suppose to juggle a toddler who doesn't sleep AND a brand new baby who doesn't sleep?? There is just no way." I was terrified that I won't be able to handle two kids. As I waited for Ryder to fall asleep I logged into bloglovin' and read this post from  Little Miss Momma. It was just what I needed. 

It’s time.

Here you go.

They're yours.

To cherish. To nurture. To love. 
And love them you most certainly will,
just as I have loved you.

This is the most beautiful gift I can give you. 
But it will cause you unspeakable pain as well. 
And break your heart.
And keep you up at night with worry.
And bring you to your knees. 
Time and time again.

Even still, you’ll never love anything so fiercely.
Your heart will never be filled so completely. 
Nothing will ever feel this right. 
Now go. Go and love–as I have taught you. 

I wiped my tears, took a deep breath and went and rocked my baby to sleep. These babies are a gift. I need them and they need me. I will not be fearful and I will not take these two blessings for granted. These boys were given to me for a reason and I feel empowered to raise them as I have been taught. I am no longer afraid.

I am not afraid. I was born to do this. - Joan of Arc